Ten Little Chances to be Free (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tenlittlebullets) wrote2004-08-03 03:24 pm
tenlittlebullets) wrote2004-08-03 03:24 pm
(no subject)
I usually avoid people. I mean, at school I had a little group of friends and friends-of-friends that I hung out with for half an hour at lunch, but other than that I never really talked to anyone in real life. And I guess it's only when I'm in close contact with a particular group of people for eighteen hours a day that I start to realize certain things about myself and other people that make me realize just how not normal I really am. Stupid little things--is it abnormal to need lots of sleep ('lots of sleep' defined as more than 6 hours of it), or lots of time alone (also defined as at least 6 hours, not counting sleep)? Or to not get mortally offended when one of my friends goes off to do something alone and not bring me along?
It's more than that, though... I guess now that I can see myself in context, so to speak, I can realize in what ways I'm the same and different relative to others. Like the fact that I'm far more physically sensitive (to light, pain, hunger, tiredness, tickling, etc) than most people, and far less emotionally sensitive. And that the exceptions are also strange--I don't experience physical pleasure that easily, but I get ragingly upset over the oddest and stupidest little things. With most of the people I've been hanging around with, it's pretty much the opposite: indifference to things that make me intensely uncomfortable but strong reactions to sex and all related (and lesser) activities, and finely tuned emotional sensitivities but the ability to be completely unaffected by the things that set me off and make me upset.
I mean, I'm otherwise having fun, but if I hang around my friends here too long I start to feel like there's something wrong with me. Maybe there is.
In other news, I'm doing voice lessons again tomorrow. My high range is expanding miraculously--last night at karaoke I hit a high G without warming up at all, and it sounded just fine, whereas earlier this year I would've squeaked on it even after half an hour of warmups. I think the only reason I don't sound good when I sing higher than that is because it makes me apprehensive and almost timid around the note, and when you get up that high you can't be timid if you want to sound good. Must look into that further tomorrow.
It's more than that, though... I guess now that I can see myself in context, so to speak, I can realize in what ways I'm the same and different relative to others. Like the fact that I'm far more physically sensitive (to light, pain, hunger, tiredness, tickling, etc) than most people, and far less emotionally sensitive. And that the exceptions are also strange--I don't experience physical pleasure that easily, but I get ragingly upset over the oddest and stupidest little things. With most of the people I've been hanging around with, it's pretty much the opposite: indifference to things that make me intensely uncomfortable but strong reactions to sex and all related (and lesser) activities, and finely tuned emotional sensitivities but the ability to be completely unaffected by the things that set me off and make me upset.
I mean, I'm otherwise having fun, but if I hang around my friends here too long I start to feel like there's something wrong with me. Maybe there is.
In other news, I'm doing voice lessons again tomorrow. My high range is expanding miraculously--last night at karaoke I hit a high G without warming up at all, and it sounded just fine, whereas earlier this year I would've squeaked on it even after half an hour of warmups. I think the only reason I don't sound good when I sing higher than that is because it makes me apprehensive and almost timid around the note, and when you get up that high you can't be timid if you want to sound good. Must look into that further tomorrow.