tenlittlebullets | (no subject)

I dreamed last night, vividly. Most of it I don't remember or it's too weird and random to write down and make any sense whatsoever, but what I remember is waterfalls. All the stupid dream dictionaries talk about purity and cleansing if you dream of waterfalls, but these were neither--they looked like Great Falls on the Potomac River after the hurricane hit--floods of roaring, swirling, churning, filthy, muddy water all crashing down a precipice to make an even bigger churn at the bottom. My mom had friends who died from falling in the water near those falls. And in my dream I'm flying low over the water, soaring over the smaller falls, watching the water churn beneath me and being so glad I'm flying and I can't fall in... and then, suddenly, I'm in a completely calm stretch of water like the one before a dam and I can't fly anymore. And I know what happens to people who fall over dams--if the fall doesn't kill them, they get trapped right in front where the water's going down and it's physically impossible to escape and they get pushed under by the force of the falling water and drown. My dream self knows this acutely and I'm getting sucked closer and closer to the edge and I'm fucking terrified out of my head... and I tumble over, and it hurts like a mofo on the way down, and suddenly the dream switches gears and I'm standing in a pool of clear water, watching it flow sedately down the waterfall-that-used-to-be-a-dam. And then it goes off in a completely different direction.

I've dreamed about falling down waterfalls before. Somehow, no matter how terrified I am before I go over, my dream self survives. (Except that one memorable occasion where I just sort of died and no one in my dream knew where I'd gone, but whatever.)