(no subject)

Going to take my driver's test in a few minutes.

*bites nails*

(no subject)

Going to take my driver's test in a few minutes.

*bites nails*

(no subject)

*grin*

Passed my road test. Got my license, after a two-hour wait. Took Mom home and went out for a drive by myself, yay.

I'm feeling extraordinarily apathetic at the moment, even though I know I should be really happy. Just laaaaazy like. Yeah. This is where I sit on my ass all afternoon playing the Sims.

(no subject)

*grin*

Passed my road test. Got my license, after a two-hour wait. Took Mom home and went out for a drive by myself, yay.

I'm feeling extraordinarily apathetic at the moment, even though I know I should be really happy. Just laaaaazy like. Yeah. This is where I sit on my ass all afternoon playing the Sims.

(no subject)

Ugggghh... mom picked my brother up from wrestling and brought him back here, where he promptly plopped down in front of the TV (in the only room where there's a steady wireless connection, so I couldn't leave) and proceeded to go on a quest for the most mind-numbingly idiotic shows in existence. I think what he eventually settled on was a lethal combination of a reality/elimination show and a fucking weight loss program, alternated with Fear Factor during the commercial breaks. If this is what he feeds his brain all day, it's no wonder he's an irritating, chauvinistic model jock with ADD who goes through girlfriends like a weedwhacker.

My brain was just going into overload/shutdown mode when dad banged in, gave a requisite congratulations for getting my license, and immediately started in on how this didn't let me off the hook from having my every driving flaw nitpicked when he was in the car with me, how I was now to drive his car up to the service station for him and walk back, and why didn't I lock his car when I was done with it I EXPECT MY CAR TO BE LOCKED AT ALL TIMES YOUNG LADY even though it was on the most backwater residential street imaginable... and then he had the fucking nerve to yell at me for not answering and staring at the wall in order to block out the intolerable television and his general bitchiness.

Yeah, gee, dad, I'm so glad you're happy for me for getting my license. And you honestly wonder why I'm staying in this nonfunctioning renovation house with an incontinent cat and a mother constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown, instead of at the big house with you and my asshole brother? At least Mom needs my help and actually asks for it, instead of treating me like hired help for everything you're too lazy to do yourself. At least when I'm having trouble with something she gives me enough information to fix it, instead of rushing over and doing it for me and condescending to me like I'm a helpless six-year-old who couldn't have done it myself, like my brother does. What is it, you fucks? Is it because I was born with a cunt? If you two were the only men I had ever met, you bet your all-natural biological balls that the thought of myself as male would never have crossed my mind. Would you have liked that, dad? Would you have liked a perfect little femmy daughter who always did what you wanted, even if she secretly hated herself for trying so hard to be something she wasn't? I know you said you didn't have a problem with it, and I have no doubt that you have no problem with the concept one of your kids being trans--but be honest, you still want a daughter, don't you?

You know, I thought for the longest time that I had a perfect family. But then I go away for a few months and when I come back I realize what a bastard my dad can be, and the only reason I didn't notice before was because I was used to it. He was a pretty cool guy when I was little, no doubt about that, and he still has his moments (Georgetown, anyone?), but somewhere in the past five years he slowly turned into an asshole and I didn't even know it. Same with my brother--we've always had the play-fighting, sibling rivalry thing going on, but underneath it all we sorta liked each other. But sometime in the past five years either I lost tolerance for his annoyingness or he just became a whole lot more annoying. And now there hasn't been a single moment I've spent with him over break where he wasn't being absolutely insufferable in some way or another.

I just got my driver's license and I turn 17 in two hours. So why do I feel like such total shit? Why do I have an almost unbroken record where every single birthday I've had I've broken down into tears over something someone said or did to me, either on the day or the day before it? Yeah, dad being a fuckwad is nothing new, but you'd think he could put the fuckwaddery aside for the one day of the year where I'm supposed to be happy and it actually is supposed to be all about me. I don't want to be waited on hand and foot, but for fuck's sake, is it so hard to be nice to someone one day out of the year? This isn't about tonight, this isn't even about last year's debacle, this is about a looooong history of this shit exploding on my birthday.

Yeah, yeah, bitch, bitch, whine, whine. I'm a teenager--I reserve the right to act like one now and then, even if it does involve stupid angst about shit that shouldn't upset me this much. Oddly enough, this post started out just being about general sensory overload, but turned into a loooong rant on my familiy. Argh.

(no subject)

Ugggghh... mom picked my brother up from wrestling and brought him back here, where he promptly plopped down in front of the TV (in the only room where there's a steady wireless connection, so I couldn't leave) and proceeded to go on a quest for the most mind-numbingly idiotic shows in existence. I think what he eventually settled on was a lethal combination of a reality/elimination show and a fucking weight loss program, alternated with Fear Factor during the commercial breaks. If this is what he feeds his brain all day, it's no wonder he's an irritating, chauvinistic model jock with ADD who goes through girlfriends like a weedwhacker.

My brain was just going into overload/shutdown mode when dad banged in, gave a requisite congratulations for getting my license, and immediately started in on how this didn't let me off the hook from having my every driving flaw nitpicked when he was in the car with me, how I was now to drive his car up to the service station for him and walk back, and why didn't I lock his car when I was done with it I EXPECT MY CAR TO BE LOCKED AT ALL TIMES YOUNG LADY even though it was on the most backwater residential street imaginable... and then he had the fucking nerve to yell at me for not answering and staring at the wall in order to block out the intolerable television and his general bitchiness.

Yeah, gee, dad, I'm so glad you're happy for me for getting my license. And you honestly wonder why I'm staying in this nonfunctioning renovation house with an incontinent cat and a mother constantly on the verge of a nervous breakdown, instead of at the big house with you and my asshole brother? At least Mom needs my help and actually asks for it, instead of treating me like hired help for everything you're too lazy to do yourself. At least when I'm having trouble with something she gives me enough information to fix it, instead of rushing over and doing it for me and condescending to me like I'm a helpless six-year-old who couldn't have done it myself, like my brother does. What is it, you fucks? Is it because I was born with a cunt? If you two were the only men I had ever met, you bet your all-natural biological balls that the thought of myself as male would never have crossed my mind. Would you have liked that, dad? Would you have liked a perfect little femmy daughter who always did what you wanted, even if she secretly hated herself for trying so hard to be something she wasn't? I know you said you didn't have a problem with it, and I have no doubt that you have no problem with the concept one of your kids being trans--but be honest, you still want a daughter, don't you?

You know, I thought for the longest time that I had a perfect family. But then I go away for a few months and when I come back I realize what a bastard my dad can be, and the only reason I didn't notice before was because I was used to it. He was a pretty cool guy when I was little, no doubt about that, and he still has his moments (Georgetown, anyone?), but somewhere in the past five years he slowly turned into an asshole and I didn't even know it. Same with my brother--we've always had the play-fighting, sibling rivalry thing going on, but underneath it all we sorta liked each other. But sometime in the past five years either I lost tolerance for his annoyingness or he just became a whole lot more annoying. And now there hasn't been a single moment I've spent with him over break where he wasn't being absolutely insufferable in some way or another.

I just got my driver's license and I turn 17 in two hours. So why do I feel like such total shit? Why do I have an almost unbroken record where every single birthday I've had I've broken down into tears over something someone said or did to me, either on the day or the day before it? Yeah, dad being a fuckwad is nothing new, but you'd think he could put the fuckwaddery aside for the one day of the year where I'm supposed to be happy and it actually is supposed to be all about me. I don't want to be waited on hand and foot, but for fuck's sake, is it so hard to be nice to someone one day out of the year? This isn't about tonight, this isn't even about last year's debacle, this is about a looooong history of this shit exploding on my birthday.

Yeah, yeah, bitch, bitch, whine, whine. I'm a teenager--I reserve the right to act like one now and then, even if it does involve stupid angst about shit that shouldn't upset me this much. Oddly enough, this post started out just being about general sensory overload, but turned into a loooong rant on my familiy. Argh.