HEWLETT-PACKARD ARE A BUNCH OF USELESS FUCKING CUNTRAGS, NEVER BUY THEIR SHIT

So, to summarize:

- A year ago my big shiny wonderful HP laptop mysteriously stops working. I still have no idea what caused this; HP did not offer an opinion; my best guess is that the tea I had spilled on it over a week earlier had finally worked its way into the thing's innards.

- I put off getting it fixed for a year because I've heard the horror stories about their tech support and am not eager to endure that. Finally in mid-May I suck it up and spend 45 minutes on hold and another half-hour talking to CSR's who barely speak English and pay fifty fucking dollars to get walked through a diagnostic I'd already done on my own just to determine that the damn thing was dead and agree to pay another four hundred fucking dollars to replace the motherboard.

- They send me a prepaid FedEx box to send back to them with my computer in it. It is too small.

- When they finally send it back, not only have they replaced the motherboard, they have also fixed the dislocated screen hinge and replaced part of the casing for free. Which would be WONDERFUL except that in the process they forgot to reconnect all the monitor cables and now the screen doesn't work.

- Spend another hour on hold listening to shitty music, manage to get ahold of someone who speaks English and who agrees not to charge me to fix their fuck-up. The box they send is, once again, too small.

- This week I get it back; the screen is fixed but the internet doesn't work. It registers that it's hooked up to the Ethernet and it connects to wireless networks; the DNS even works; it just doesn't connect to any websites.

HEWLETT-PACKARD YOU FUCKING SHITHEADS WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT FIXING MY COMPUTER WITHOUT BREAKING SOMETHING ELSE IN THE PROCESS. IF YOU DON'T MANAGE TO GET IT WORKING BEFORE I GO TO FRANCE I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SKYPE MY PARENTS AND WE WILL RACK UP HUGE TRANSATLANTIC PHONE BILLS ALL BECAUSE YOU ARE A PACK OF INCOMPETENT FUCKKNUCKLES. MAY YOU ROT IN THE SPECIAL HELL THAT INVOLVES TRYING TO ACCESS YOUR SHITTY WEBSITE ON 16K DIALUP FOREVER AND EVER. ON WINDOWS ME. WITH RANDOMLY-TIMED BSOD'S AND POWER OUTAGES AND TECH SUPPORT THAT NEVER LEAVES THE SMOOTH JAZZ HOLD MUSIC EXCEPT TO INTERRUPT WITH PRODUCT PITCHES IN CHEERY ENGRISH OH WAIT I JUST DESCRIBED YOUR TECH SUPPORT NEVER MIND.

*beats head on wall repeatedly*

So, in summary: never buy anything from HP unless you intend to replace it the instant it breaks, because good luck ever getting them to fix it.

and anyone who thinks I fail Feminism 101 for using the word "cuntrags" can eat shit and die, and then spend a month in my body to see why anything to do with menstruation is fair game for creatively perjorative usage.

HEWLETT-PACKARD ARE A BUNCH OF USELESS FUCKING CUNTRAGS, NEVER BUY THEIR SHIT

So, to summarize:

- A year ago my big shiny wonderful HP laptop mysteriously stops working. I still have no idea what caused this; HP did not offer an opinion; my best guess is that the tea I had spilled on it over a week earlier had finally worked its way into the thing's innards.

- I put off getting it fixed for a year because I've heard the horror stories about their tech support and am not eager to endure that. Finally in mid-May I suck it up and spend 45 minutes on hold and another half-hour talking to CSR's who barely speak English and pay fifty fucking dollars to get walked through a diagnostic I'd already done on my own just to determine that the damn thing was dead and agree to pay another four hundred fucking dollars to replace the motherboard.

- They send me a prepaid FedEx box to send back to them with my computer in it. It is too small.

- When they finally send it back, not only have they replaced the motherboard, they have also fixed the dislocated screen hinge and replaced part of the casing for free. Which would be WONDERFUL except that in the process they forgot to reconnect all the monitor cables and now the screen doesn't work.

- Spend another hour on hold listening to shitty music, manage to get ahold of someone who speaks English and who agrees not to charge me to fix their fuck-up. The box they send is, once again, too small.

- This week I get it back; the screen is fixed but the internet doesn't work. It registers that it's hooked up to the Ethernet and it connects to wireless networks; the DNS even works; it just doesn't connect to any websites.

HEWLETT-PACKARD YOU FUCKING SHITHEADS WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT FIXING MY COMPUTER WITHOUT BREAKING SOMETHING ELSE IN THE PROCESS. IF YOU DON'T MANAGE TO GET IT WORKING BEFORE I GO TO FRANCE I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO SKYPE MY PARENTS AND WE WILL RACK UP HUGE TRANSATLANTIC PHONE BILLS ALL BECAUSE YOU ARE A PACK OF INCOMPETENT FUCKKNUCKLES. MAY YOU ROT IN THE SPECIAL HELL THAT INVOLVES TRYING TO ACCESS YOUR SHITTY WEBSITE ON 16K DIALUP FOREVER AND EVER. ON WINDOWS ME. WITH RANDOMLY-TIMED BSOD'S AND POWER OUTAGES AND TECH SUPPORT THAT NEVER LEAVES THE SMOOTH JAZZ HOLD MUSIC EXCEPT TO INTERRUPT WITH PRODUCT PITCHES IN CHEERY ENGRISH OH WAIT I JUST DESCRIBED YOUR TECH SUPPORT NEVER MIND.

*beats head on wall repeatedly*

So, in summary: never buy anything from HP unless you intend to replace it the instant it breaks, because good luck ever getting them to fix it.

and anyone who thinks I fail Feminism 101 for using the word "cuntrags" can eat shit and die, and then spend a month in my body to see why anything to do with menstruation is fair game for creatively perjorative usage.

Fixed!

Okay, disregard the last post, turns out the internet screwiness was my ancient version of ZoneAlarm playing havoc with the connection. None of which really changes the fact that HP are a bunch of incompetent cuntrags, just that it wasn't their fault this time. And it's worth noting that if they hadn't had a history of bollocksing up my repairs, I wouldn't have assumed straight off the bat that it was their fault and wasted some poor schmuck in Bangalore's time by calling tech support.

...holy crap my computer is fixed! And it works! And I am writing this entry from it! Yaaaaaaay.

Fixed!

Okay, disregard the last post, turns out the internet screwiness was my ancient version of ZoneAlarm playing havoc with the connection. None of which really changes the fact that HP are a bunch of incompetent cuntrags, just that it wasn't their fault this time. And it's worth noting that if they hadn't had a history of bollocksing up my repairs, I wouldn't have assumed straight off the bat that it was their fault and wasted some poor schmuck in Bangalore's time by calling tech support.

...holy crap my computer is fixed! And it works! And I am writing this entry from it! Yaaaaaaay.

It's not procrastination if you're doing something useful* right?

WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING: Catching up on Paris paperwork (viz. French proficiency test, proofreading and sending off letter to host family, etc.)
WHAT I AM DOING: Browsing a PHP/mySQL tutorial so I can add bells and whistles to the Barricade Day 2010 website
HOW I AM JUSTIFYING THIS: It will be really cool. And possibly look good on a resume. And if I get back into trading and have a lot of free time on my hands, I can database-ify my bootleg list and make it searchable and sortable!
CONCLUSION: It's not that I have too much time on my hands, I just have a slightly skewed list of priorities. Really.

* I would argue that learning web programming is useful for a CS major--it's not theoretical enough to be taught in school, but like hell am I going to get a job without it.

It's not procrastination if you're doing something useful* right?

WHAT I SHOULD BE DOING: Catching up on Paris paperwork (viz. French proficiency test, proofreading and sending off letter to host family, etc.)
WHAT I AM DOING: Browsing a PHP/mySQL tutorial so I can add bells and whistles to the Barricade Day 2010 website
HOW I AM JUSTIFYING THIS: It will be really cool. And possibly look good on a resume. And if I get back into trading and have a lot of free time on my hands, I can database-ify my bootleg list and make it searchable and sortable!
CONCLUSION: It's not that I have too much time on my hands, I just have a slightly skewed list of priorities. Really.

* I would argue that learning web programming is useful for a CS major--it's not theoretical enough to be taught in school, but like hell am I going to get a job without it.