social overload has me in its jaws again.

[tenlittlebullets]

So I've known for a while now that I have a low threshold for real-life social interaction.  I don't find interaction of itself odious or painful, it's just that there's only so much time around other people I can take before I start responding in monosyllables, attempting to hide in a corner, feeling disproportionately stressed and upset, dropping nonverbal discomfort cues, and eventually going completely batshit and wondering why everyone else around me keeps talking to me and doesn't realize I need to run off to my room and read for a little while.  Like three days straight.  I've tried to be upfront about it now that I've realized what's going on, and if I've explained the issue to someone and they still don't understand that I need buckets of time alone, they can go fuck themselves.  But I've always considered the internet something of a social coping device, a way to talk to people without having to deal with the stress of face-to-face interaction.  So I didn't realize until now that, although the threshold's higher, I can still take only so much IM chat before everyone I talk to annoys the living piss out of me and I get the urge to tell people really awful things they don't deserve and then go sulk in a corner with only a Brick for company.

I've also realized that I was much happier this time about a year ago, when my computer was kaputt and I had to go down to the library every time I wanted to check my email.  Because I could still stay in touch with the online world, but I wasn't constantly connected, and could control myself when I started mindlessly refreshing my friends page or compulsively checking my email.  Once the computer was always there again, my range of activities narrowed drastically and I fell back into langour and depression and it was generally not fun.  When the option is there, "sitting in front of the computer" becomes my default position and sheer inertia prevents me from doing much else.  I have no self-control, do I?  But I think part of it was that the internet does trigger my social overload from time to time, and not being constantly online allowed me to get a more complete sense of solitude and examine my ideas without the constant barrage of what others thought.  It was more free, in a way.  And now I'm a hopeless addict again, bah.

Comments

[eponinenkind.livejournal.com]

Hm. Well, actually I don't really know what to say. Feel free to ignore this, if you like.
But I know what you mean about not using the computer all the time. About two years ago, I noticed that whenever I got depressed, it was because I stayed online until three in the morning for three days in a row and listened to depressing music. (So, nothing to do with too much social interaction, but still, it was the evil Internet's fault ;-)) I noticed it, but I didn't really change anything about my behaviour *cough* So much for self-control.
But then I spent the last year at college (it's actually a bit more complicated than that, but whatever), was surrounded by people all the time (I guess my threshold for social interaction is a bit higher than yours, though not THAT high either) - and somehow I'm feeling much better now. I can spend hours on the computer and listen to depressing music, and it doesn't really affect me. I don't know why. I've become more stable, somehow.

So. What do I want to say with this rant? I don't really know. Sorry for spamming your journal. It's just that I think I understand what you're talking about, but I think it's actually possible that this will change some day.

Amen.
Or something.
*hugs*

[mollisher.livejournal.com]

We really are similar.
See, I justify my fits of addiction by telling myself that there aren't many alternatives (despite knowing full well that I could be producing something creative, or practical, or getting a job or something along those lines). What endeared me to the internet at first was the fact that I could be expressive soley through articulation and thoughts without having to worry myself with nonverbal cues.
IM tends to increase my social anxiety, too, in a backwards way. There's this element of having to be constantly "on" in terms of conversation, and I tend to panic when somebody I like doesn't message me initially. I still have no desire to sign off.

[duck-killer.livejournal.com]

I do this very often. I get violent, though, and lose my focus on anything, and then my playlist annoys me, and then I have to run away from the computer and school and my family and hide.

::run on sentences galore today::

[josiana.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. I hope you manage to resolve things to your satisfaction.

[i-look-away.livejournal.com]

I can definitely sympathize, especially with the thing about the computer. I was computerless from late April until early June, and I rather enjoyed it, even though it got frustrating sometimes. I'm not really -as- internet addicted anymore though, now that I've learned how good time away from the computer is for me. It just takes a little discipline; all about knowing when to set aside some computer-free time and what to fill that time up with.
As for social overload, I've definitely felt that. I used to alternate between bouts of extreme monophobia, and bouts of wanting everyone to just get the hell out of my sight. Sometimes, I'll still veer off-track to one of those extremes. Hopefully, you'll find some happy mediums; the fact that you are able to evaluate and know these things about yourself shows that you definitely have the capability. It's just hard when you have certain needs and people just don't get it.