tenlittlebullets | a small dose of LotR crack.

a small dose of LotR crack.

I spent all day playing with the Christmas present I got my mom. Namely the LotR extended editions. I got through FotR and TTT, which is, what, eight hours in front of the TV?

I should feel guilty about plonking down with mom's present, but instead I just want to draw and quarter Peter Jackson. On Faramir's behalf. What did Faramir ever do to you, Peter Jackson? ;____;

Also Elijah Wood's random orgasm faces are fucking funny. And movie!Gollum is totally book!Erik's bastard offspring. I knew there was something funny about that gold ring he gave Christine!

...I am NOT ALLOWED TO WRITE THAT CROSSOVER. *facepalm*

(Sorry. It's late. XD)

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Write it, write it, write it. You know you want to. Listen to the little voice in your head.

Also, eeeeee Faramir! Ah, the endless book!Faramir vs. movie!Faramir debates and essays (lots of movie bashing included, of course)...fond memories.

You need to see RotK because, you know, Lee!Saruman and all. Plus that entirely random and pretty idiotic Arwen subplot. And Theoden generally acting like an OOC bastard a lot, then having a sudden change of heart and deciding to act more like his book counterpart. But I still love Bernard Hill to bits.

Oh, I saw RotK all right, though it was right when it first came out and I'm sure the EE will be more fun. And I saw it before I'd read the book. The movies are miles more entertaining when you've read the books because you get to throw popcorn at the screen whenever they fuck up something major.

Well, that's all well and good right up until the point when you feel the need to throw something more heavy than popcorn at your poor TV.

The EE has Saruman in it which is awesomeness (I have a thing for Christopher Lee and his Voice, and that man can act). What makes the scene even cooler is the load of dialogue (almost) directly taken from the book. Well, the ending is very, very messed up, but, aeh, a huge lot of the movie is. Sam leaving Frodo WTF? Denethor raving and being all too obviously off his rocker and getting randomly thwacked by Gandalf? Sheesh. There should be one of those drinking game thingies for RotK, too: take a sip every time you hear someone say or imply that "Arwen is dying". Well die already, then, and be done with it. Waste of precious time. Somebody could've had some character development.

Oh, Peter Jackson. Faramir's repressable, poor dear, but I am never, ever going to forgive that man for Sauron. *pikes*

I can never decide if I love or hate the movies. So shiny, and so wrong. And their Middle-Earth is about two feet square, had you noticed? That only really becomes apparent in RotK, when you can just about see Barad-dur from Minas Tirith. D:

YOU ARE SO ALLOWED TO WRITE THAT CROSSOVER. SO ALLOWED.

I totally had a crush on book!Faramir, so I was ready to kill people for what they did to him in the movie version. ;___; I just... you had time for all those fucking useless added-in battle scenes in the theatrical cut, but anything resembling character development for the guy you just made into an asshole gets shunted into the EE? FIE.

They are shiny. Even if they look like giant ads for New Zealand tourism. But I like faithfulness to the source material god dammit!

I know, it's awful. It's just, with Faramir, I can see why they did it. It was a fucking stupid idea and they shouldn't have because it's stupid, but it's not like they think Faramir is actually an asshole in the books. I'm more cheesed off when they actually get things wrong. (Like when Peter Jackson can't see a damn metaphor and seems to think his main villain is actually an eyeball on a stick.) Not to say I don't hate what they did to Faramir, but at least there it's deliberate. I hate what they did to, say, Denethor, even more because they clearly got it wrong by accident. He's crazy, but in all the wrong ways. And his death is ridiculous.

Then there are the changes that aren't even remotely justifiable, like the Army of the Dead (who look stupid anyway) at the Pelennor, or Haldir at Helm's Deep (wtff), or, like, leaving out the last fifty pages of the book. *throws things*

And I still can't stand mini!Middle Earth. That's my personal hate, right after Sauron The Amazing Electric Eyeball. Rar.

XD Lawd knows what would've happened if Peter Jackson had gotten to direct V for Vendetta then.

The entirety of Helm's Deep was just one massive wtf, really, starting about when they left Edoras. In a way that's explainable but not justifiable--I know PJ wanted to show off the mad skillz of his CGI department and appeal to all the people who were only in it for the battle scenes, but that's not a goddamn excuse.

I haven't seen it. But ow.

--Oh god, the Warg attack. Thank you, I'd actually managed to forget about that. >_< The entire premise of Helm's Deep was stupid: "Let's run away there with all the women and children and hide out from the war-- OHSHITORCS" rather than "We're going off to fight at Helm's Deep because Saruman is probably about to throw his whole strength against us and we know this; leave all the women and children here because there's gonna be a BIG BATTLE." They make all the characters so idiotic.

And Aragorn falling off a cliff-- *facepalm* Note how each movie gets farther and farther from the source material. ~~If PJ wants characters falling off cliffs all the time, he should have done the Silmarillion instead. There's lots.~~

This is not the html failiure you are looking for.

Heh, in the comic version of V for Vendetta there's a creepy Orwellian dictatorship where the intelligence department is the Eye, the media outlets they control are the Mouth, the secret police forces are the Finger...

Poor Theoden got his character absolutely mangled. "Hey Gandalf, show some fucking sensitivity! I just spent goodness knows how long ~~possessed by Saruman wtf~~ getting really shitty advice, so please be sensitive to my determination to ignore all the advice you give me and do really stupid shit!"

So much stuff fails to make any sense anymore when they start rearranging stuff at will. Making Eowyn stay behind made sense in the book, but in the movie it became "Oh, and Eowyn, I'm sure you can fight better than all these twelve-year-old boys who've never touched a sword before, but we're an evil patriarchy here. Go back and look after the women and children." wtf.

... *dies* *dies dead*

Poor Theoden. He's so badass and intelligent in the book. Gandalf's advice was fairly stupid too, as I recall, though it's been a blissful age since I've seen the movie.

fdjhka, yes. In the book it's, "you stay behind and run the country because you're competent and everyone likes you," which is hardly an evil patriarchy. And just, they talk about how they left a lot of stuff out because they didn't have time to fit everything in, but just think how much more could have stayed if they'd just cut some of those stupid subplots. Like Arwen's. Or if they hadn't put half of TTT in RotK, we might have actually had the Scouring of the Shire.

I like the fact that there are movies, and that they are, actually, good movies (not like the animated ones, dear god), but as shiny as they are, they're just so disappointing because they're good, but they're not nearly good enough.

Actually, lots of characters got their personalities mangled. It makes me sad. It also makes me want to reread the books because otherwise I'll have trouble keeping my canons straight and that would be a complete tragedy.

AUGH YES that is exactly what annoys me about the movies. Going back to Faramir as an example, because I think I still have a bit of a crush on him and I'm still sulking over what they did to him, it's not that they only had time to show him refusing the ring in the extended version and had to slice it from the theatrical cut. It's that they had time for the fucking "take the hobbits to Osgiliath" subplot, the Warg attack, Aragorn taking a tumble off a cliff, and ten thousand gratuitous shots of Saruman's army, and THEN they decided they didn't have time for the pivotal moment in his character development. asdfjkl; PRIORITIES PLZ.

Nearly everyone gets their personality mangled ~~if not their entire physical manifestation~~. Like the Ents, omg. And I hate how Merry and Pippin were made so completely moronic and useless. And-- yeah, I could go on.

Everyone has a bit of a crush on Faramir. He's awesome that way. And YES, EXACTLY. If you're going to claim that you don't have time to leave in big plot points, don't then go and add in gratuitous, nonsensical subplots that weren't there in the first place.

Rereading the books is always good. (And afterwards, read the Silmarillion! It's even better! And has no disembodied eyeballs on sticks! :D)

The mangling of Faramir's character still makes me cry. Especially after that whole speech he made about not taking the ring even if he found it on the highway. D: If only the movies had been slightly less about the shiny.

I second the "Eeee! Writeitwriteitwriteit!" sentiment.

I adore the movies enough to almost forgive what they did to Faramir (despite my crazymad crush on him), but what I cannot forgive is the skipping of the end of RotK. I was looking forward to seeing the scouring of the Shire, dammit.

Also, WRITE IT OME!!!

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a small dose of LotR crack.

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