Here, LJ, be my therapist.

[tenlittlebullets]

Ugh, so apparently I have some sort of Pavlovian reaction to solitude where I go into the same hopeless, depressive state I was in three years ago. And annoyingly enough it's 100% emotional, so I can't talk myself out of it. Obviously this means I will just have to keep a busy schedule, or take an axe to my social anxiety and call someone to hang out when I'm feeling down, or something. Social anxiety is telling me that calling people so they can cheer me up is a pretty shitty way to be a friend, but it can shut the hell up because it's equally shitty to never contact people just because you have issues with socialization.

I'm feeling much better after half a glass of wine, so maybe the whole stupid thing is rooted in anxiety. Not just social, but self-esteem in general--I lose my frame of reference when I spend too much time inside my head, so I end up holding myself to ridiculous standards just to be an okay human being.

Experimented with clove cigarettes again and have decided they are a shitty, shitty coping mechanism, because aside from being little goth-scented cancer sticks, and despite mild euphoric effects, they do not help my mood. In fact, they just turn my mood from "gloomy" to "bitter and wanting to stab something." Definitely not good for anxiety, and way too much addiction potential.

Comments

[toi-marguerite.livejournal.com]

Wanna watch Horatio Hornblower tomorrow night? If not, want to hang out in general?

[10littlebullets.livejournal.com]

*hug* That sounds great. (And I've never seen Hornblower... fun.) Where do you want to meet?

[toi-marguerite.livejournal.com]

Um... Tyler? Hubbard doesn't have a TV. We could watch the DVDs I have on a computer if that's easier?

[10littlebullets.livejournal.com]

Ah, okay. So we could either watch it in the Tyler living room or in my room. (I have a TV and a DVD player, but the screen isn't that much bigger than a computer screen.)

So, meet in Tyler around/after dinner?

[toi-marguerite.livejournal.com]

After dinner then! Hubbard's having an impromptu tea and we're expected to all have dinner together afterwards.

See you then! <3

[srevans.livejournal.com]

(hug)