La folle journée

[tenlittlebullets]

Operation Avoid Host Mother is working--I haven't actually seen her face to face since I waltzed out the door yesterday morning, telling her I was going to go see La Bohème with toi_marguerite that evening and wouldn't be home for dinner. Bohème was sold out, but we went to see a production of Mariage de Figaro (the play, not the opera) instead and had a smashing good time.

Bombed the first of my two midterms this morning. Or, well, I'm pretty sure I did. I don't know, maybe part of the French university system is assigning shit nobody can complete. Midterm was in three parts; I finished the first one on complete tunnel vision, felt pretty damn proud of myself, and looked at my watch to discover I'd used up one and a half of my two hours. Frantically completed maybe three-quarters of the second part, attempted the third part but it didn't make any goddamn sense. So even if my work is perfect (which it was not), my raw grade can be at most 13/20, and is probably more like 8/20. Hopefully they will curve it like they did for the homework, because FUCK.

Was a giant ball of quivering insecurity for my voice lesson. Not really over the exam, which is over and done with and I am not allowing myself to stress about it, more from the accumulated wear and tear of living with a glowering old harpy who seems to deliberately needle at my insecurities whenever she thinks she can get away with it. I dunno, normally I'm pretty chin-up about it (rants on LJ excepted), but first day of period = emotional instability and very little uninterrupted sleep due to cramps waking me up all night. So I kind of lost it when I kept screwing up one particular passage and went into "oh god I cannot do anything right, everyone is STARING at how incompetent I am" mode. Not a terribly fun place to be when you're trying to sing.

Fortunately toi_marguerite is a wonderful person and let me cry on her shoulder (often literally) for most of the afternoon. Nervous breakdowns: facilitators of Romantic-friendship bonding? After I pulled myself together we went out and got margarine and stuffing for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, followed by delicious falafel and kosher pastries in the Marais. I might've indulged in a spot of retail therapy--got myself a black waistcoat in a vintage store, decent number of buttons, loose enough to give a male silhouette but small enough to not be a circus tent on me. Perfect for Frenchboy drag.

So yeah, this week as predicted is crazy. Still need to procure a check from my bank and send it off to Théâtre du Châtelet for the group tickets; have another midterm on Saturday; then Sunday is moving day. I'm actually less worried about moving and more worried about what überbitch's reaction will be to the news that I'm outta here.

I'm hoping I will unfreeze somewhat after the move. Enjoy Paris more, visit Les Mis locations, get the Barricade Day website up, interact more with the fandom. All the stuff I should've been doing since September.

Comments

[kittycallum.livejournal.com]

Aw, I'm sorry you're feeling insecure. If there's anything I could do to help, just say the word. I've been there before and I know how rotten it can be, but it sounds like it's sure to get better once the move happens -- it's oppressive, to say the least, to be living with someone who picks at you like that. I know what that's like, and it's always a breath of fresh air to get away from a situation like that. And you're right, toi_marguerite is a wonderful person, and I'm so glad you've got someone so supportive there for you.

But, hurrah, waistcoat! Frenchboy drag makes life better. I'm looking forward to living vicariously through y'all who are going to Barricade Day. It helps to have something to look forward to, as well, and to have something like this to really get engaged in.

All the best! I do hope you feel better soon, and that the move is good. I know I can't exactly say "I'm there for you" since I'm ...er ... in Canada. But believe me, you have my sympathy in your situation. I really hope things get better soon.

[coloneldespard.livejournal.com]

Any feedback from the other students to see how they felt about the midterm? Fingers crossed it didn't turn out like you feel it did. And that you can continue to keep out of the stress-inducing orbit of your soon-to-be-ex host mother. So glad you've got Marguerite in close proximity - you know the rest of us are green over your Parisian adventures! And I adore the sound of the waistcoat...I'm busy buying for the Art Deco festival in Feb next year, but am keeping half an eye out for stuff for Frenchboy drag.

[10littlebullets.livejournal.com]

Nope, will see the other students in section on Monday and see if they're as freaked out as I am.

Funny thing is I almost feel like I'm not having Parisian adventures--I seem to be stuck in the general orbit of home, Smith campus, Paris university campus, voice lessons, sometimes toi_marguerite's place. Hopefully once I move I won't be so shut-down.