Better. I think.

[tenlittlebullets]

Many thanks to everyone who commented about the cat. ♥ I've been pretty down all day, but I'm more functional than I thought I'd be. And she was... well, really old in kitty years. I'm glad she went peacefully, I just wish I could've been there to cuddle her one last time.

I'm on Day Five off medication and starting to feel less exhausted. Getting through class is hard though; all my classes are either two or three hours long, and I start losing focus maybe twenty minutes in. I hope it's like a muscle, and it will start coming back to me the longer I practice paying attention for long stretches of time to mildly-interesting things that are presented waaay tooo sloooowly. The real test will be Thursday: lecture and lab back-to-back, four hours of databases with the prof repeating himself all the time. If I can make it through that without tuning out, I will buy myself a drink.

Mostly I just miss being able to hyperfocus on something I truly find interesting. Either fandom (fic, website, tl;dr forum posts), technical (diabolical plans for what to do with my netbook), or both (crazy project to make a database out of my bootleg list). Current state is definitely better than the crazy mood and energy swings I was getting when taking meds once every two or three days, but I miss being able to sit down and hack away at something for a few hours.

Comments

[kittycallum.livejournal.com]

I'm glad to hear you're a bit better, and also less exhausted. I have to say I'm impressed that you can do that many two to three-hour classes at all -- I've got one 7-10 class this term, and it's hellish to try and concentrate that long. Good luck with the Thursday class! I'd say you've got a sound theory in that concentration is like a muscle: it'll come back with time and practice. Best of luck.

[10littlebullets.livejournal.com]

For the three-hour ones we do get a ten-minute break in the middle, but still, it's all I can do to make myself keep taking notes after fifteen or twenty minutes. God knows even before I went on medication I was not exactly 100% functional about paying attention in class, but still, fifteen minutes is pretty pathetic.

Am thinking I should go to the library and plonk myself down with a book on networks or databases (my two computer science classes for this semester), because part of the problem is that if the class goes too slowly I just tune out entirely. With a book I can do it at my own pace--and I'll probably learn more, especially in the databases class, which I swear is moving like molasses. And maybe it will strengthen the attention-span muscles. *g*

[coloneldespard.livejournal.com]

Fingers crossed you're having that drink by the time you get this message... :)

[10littlebullets.livejournal.com]

No drink for meeee--my alarm failed to go off and I missed lecture.