Ten Little Chances to be Free (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tenlittlebullets) wrote2004-10-22 08:45 pm
tenlittlebullets) wrote2004-10-22 08:45 pm
(no subject)
I've come to realize something...
My voice sucks.
Honestly, it does. It's thin and pinched, I have a tendency to go off-key, my high notes squeak, any vibrato I have sounds forced. I can't get out of the habit of chronic throat-clearing and random glottal stops. I sound whiny.
The problem is that it didn't always suck this bad. It used to be fuller, freer, more pure, with more high range. Where the fuck did I go wrong? Last year my voice was amazingly rich; this summer my high notes were wonderful. Where'd it all go? I sound like a simpering twelve-year-old alto with delusions of soprano glory.
I need to sing more. To be able to play with my voice, to see what works and what doesn't--an hour a week just doesn't cut it. Going it alone in a practice room is a lost cause; they're not soundproof, so I get all self-conscious and start pinching, and there's the problem that I can't play piano accompaniment and sing properly at the same time. Doing the ol' alto belting schtick while I play the piano is fine, but those high notes require attention that I can't divide between playing and singing--and a cappella is a nightmare of sharping and flatting and general sour notes.
Maybe I'm too tense and stressed. Had the opportunity to get a short massage over break; the first thing she said was "my god, no one your age should be in knots like this!" I only managed to produce my pretty high notes this summer after making a great effort to consciously relax before I hit them; and my best singing since I got to Simon's Rock was at the end of a ten-day break that consisted mostly of sleeping and being lazy. Quite telling. Maybe part of the problem is that my voice lesson slot is near the end of the week and it's approximately half an hour after I wake up. No one I know can frickin' sing well half an hour after they wake up. But I still feel like I should be able to.
And I listen to all these trained, professional singers and sometimes it makes me want to cry or kick things because I don't see how I can ever be on that level. At least not the way my voice sounds now. And what am I going to do about it?
If it's at all possible, I'm going to take some sort of vocal performance class next semester. I'll get to sing several times a week at a decent hour of the day, and it'll take the place of some more stressful class like calculus. I just hope it's offered next semester, and that it doesn't conflict with any other classes--I'd hate to have to drop German for voice lessons, and I honestly don't know which I'd pick.
My voice sucks.
Honestly, it does. It's thin and pinched, I have a tendency to go off-key, my high notes squeak, any vibrato I have sounds forced. I can't get out of the habit of chronic throat-clearing and random glottal stops. I sound whiny.
The problem is that it didn't always suck this bad. It used to be fuller, freer, more pure, with more high range. Where the fuck did I go wrong? Last year my voice was amazingly rich; this summer my high notes were wonderful. Where'd it all go? I sound like a simpering twelve-year-old alto with delusions of soprano glory.
I need to sing more. To be able to play with my voice, to see what works and what doesn't--an hour a week just doesn't cut it. Going it alone in a practice room is a lost cause; they're not soundproof, so I get all self-conscious and start pinching, and there's the problem that I can't play piano accompaniment and sing properly at the same time. Doing the ol' alto belting schtick while I play the piano is fine, but those high notes require attention that I can't divide between playing and singing--and a cappella is a nightmare of sharping and flatting and general sour notes.
Maybe I'm too tense and stressed. Had the opportunity to get a short massage over break; the first thing she said was "my god, no one your age should be in knots like this!" I only managed to produce my pretty high notes this summer after making a great effort to consciously relax before I hit them; and my best singing since I got to Simon's Rock was at the end of a ten-day break that consisted mostly of sleeping and being lazy. Quite telling. Maybe part of the problem is that my voice lesson slot is near the end of the week and it's approximately half an hour after I wake up. No one I know can frickin' sing well half an hour after they wake up. But I still feel like I should be able to.
And I listen to all these trained, professional singers and sometimes it makes me want to cry or kick things because I don't see how I can ever be on that level. At least not the way my voice sounds now. And what am I going to do about it?
If it's at all possible, I'm going to take some sort of vocal performance class next semester. I'll get to sing several times a week at a decent hour of the day, and it'll take the place of some more stressful class like calculus. I just hope it's offered next semester, and that it doesn't conflict with any other classes--I'd hate to have to drop German for voice lessons, and I honestly don't know which I'd pick.