Ten Little Chances to be Free (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tenlittlebullets) wrote2004-11-17 03:46 am
tenlittlebullets) wrote2004-11-17 03:46 am
(no subject)
Re-shaved my head; it was getting a bit fuzzy. About five minutes in I hear a huge racket from one of the rooms down the hall... at least whoever it was had the decency to wait till the wee hours of morning to have really loud sex.
Also, it has occurred to me that if Jesus were ever to attend Bob Jones University, he'd get his ass kicked out in a heartbeat. From the brief excerpts of the student guidelines that are posted on the BJU website (who calls their school BJU anyway? especially if you're trying to put up a wholesome image?):
Students may not serve alcoholic beverages when waiting tables at restaurants.
Well, looks like someone completely spaced out the 'turning water into wine' incident.
Hair must be cut in a traditional, conservative style—not shaved, spiked, tangled, or shelved. Sideburns should not extend past the middle of the ear. Men are expected to remain clean-shaven.
Annnd there goes the traditional image Jesus with the beard and the long hair. Damn hippie needs to get a haircut and get a real job.
You may not possess or play computer and video games rated T, M, or A or having elements of blood and gore, sensual or demonic themes, or featuring suggestive dress, bad language, or rock music... Residence hall students may not watch videos above a G rating.
But reading a book full of sex, smiting, demons, dire curses, battles, prostitutes, demonic possession, incest, bloody sacrifices, and people getting tortured and crucified is absolutely REQUIRED. Or do we just skip over those parts? Dude, if you cut out everything that could be deemed offensive by BJU standards, the Bible would end up being about 25 pages long.
All weapons must be turned in for storage. Trigger locks are required for pistols.
After the above section? There are... no words.
Furthermore, it says homosexuality is strictly forbidden on campus. Does that mean I've misread all those times Jesus said "Get thee behind me, Satan?"
Okay, I should probably go do my calculus homework instead of mocking the most batshit insane of the batshit insane fundies. But... gah. So tempting.
Also, it has occurred to me that if Jesus were ever to attend Bob Jones University, he'd get his ass kicked out in a heartbeat. From the brief excerpts of the student guidelines that are posted on the BJU website (who calls their school BJU anyway? especially if you're trying to put up a wholesome image?):
Students may not serve alcoholic beverages when waiting tables at restaurants.
Well, looks like someone completely spaced out the 'turning water into wine' incident.
Hair must be cut in a traditional, conservative style—not shaved, spiked, tangled, or shelved. Sideburns should not extend past the middle of the ear. Men are expected to remain clean-shaven.
Annnd there goes the traditional image Jesus with the beard and the long hair. Damn hippie needs to get a haircut and get a real job.
You may not possess or play computer and video games rated T, M, or A or having elements of blood and gore, sensual or demonic themes, or featuring suggestive dress, bad language, or rock music... Residence hall students may not watch videos above a G rating.
But reading a book full of sex, smiting, demons, dire curses, battles, prostitutes, demonic possession, incest, bloody sacrifices, and people getting tortured and crucified is absolutely REQUIRED. Or do we just skip over those parts? Dude, if you cut out everything that could be deemed offensive by BJU standards, the Bible would end up being about 25 pages long.
All weapons must be turned in for storage. Trigger locks are required for pistols.
After the above section? There are... no words.
Furthermore, it says homosexuality is strictly forbidden on campus. Does that mean I've misread all those times Jesus said "Get thee behind me, Satan?"
Okay, I should probably go do my calculus homework instead of mocking the most batshit insane of the batshit insane fundies. But... gah. So tempting.