Ten Little Chances to be Free (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tenlittlebullets) wrote2004-11-18 05:52 pm
tenlittlebullets) wrote2004-11-18 05:52 pm
(no subject)
Being the procrastinatory slacker that I am, I have done very little actual work today, even though I should be in stress-out panic mode. Okay, so I've done some research on the political situation of 13th-century Florence for my paper, and gone into town for caffeine pills (hitchhiking yay, my mom would kill me), but that's about it.
I have, however, done a lot of thinking, mostly on what I want to do in the near-to-middle future.
I can't stop doing stuff to my hair. First I shaved half of it off, and for some reason looked like a boulderhead or troll of some sort. Last night I lopped off an inch of it, as it was mostly my fringe that was contributing to the troll look, and now it spikes liek whoa and is generally cool, and I look much less trollish because having my forehead fully exposed makes my face look less round and chubby than it actually is. Hooray for discovering that a simple straight razor with a guard is so much better for cutting short hair than actual scissors. And at some point tonight I will attempt to dye it black; over break I might put blue or reddish highlights in it, and generally have fun with it. I hate my hair, but wrestling it into some semblance of hawtness is fun in a time-consuming, vain sort of way.
At some point after break--or maybe I'll start tonight--I want to start really hitting the gym. I need the athletic credit, and it'll help me look like less of a scrawny bastard. I hate being a skinny little weakling, so it's time to do something about that.
Speaking of muscles and being a scrawny bastard, I want to start testosterone therapy. NOW DAMMIT. Even when I worked out daily last year I never put on much visible muscle... and I was doing warm-downs in voice lessons today and got to a low D, and my voice started to take on this brassy tenor quality, and I was so disappointed when we started warming back up and I had to go out of my lower register. I mean, I had great fun doing Point of No Return, but I want to be able to sing tenor so badly. Oh, and my chest. I like my chest--it's all smooth and pretty and androgynous--the only problem is these great gobs of useless FLESH hanging off it. Urgh. I would be so extremely happy if they just vanished overnight or something.
If I really lay it on thick with my shrink, I might be able to start testosterone in another three months based on the 'real life test' thing, as I've been going as a boy the past three months here at Simon's Rock. But I want to start now, and get chest surgery as soon as I bloody can. Bah. Lower surgery isn't really an option, as all the surgery methods are teh suck, but a couple nights ago I was packing liek whoa and I could almost feel it, feel what it's like to have the right hardware down there. Yeah, hardware is about the right description... I feel like OS X running on a really sweet top-of-the-line PC. Yeah, it's a nice body, but it's just wrong.
And yes. Computers. Have done a little more research into running a webserver, and have pretty much figured out that I'd have to get an entirely different machine for it. Which could be a great excuse to build my own computer, which is something I've wanted to do for a while, and I'd also be able to run Linux and play around with it without having to bash my head against the difficulties of doing my daily mundane computer stuff on an OS that's not really designed for mundane computer stuff. The problem at this point would be running it from the campus Internet service, which presents the dual challenges of getting a static IP for it and not getting kicked in the nuts by the bandwidth gods. Oh, and the whole one-connection-per-room thing and my complete and total lack of a place to store a server in my tiny room. But I'm getting heavy back into the computer geekery, d00d, and if I do end up doing it, I'm determined this time to actually, thoroughly learn Linux. There's this discrepancy between the tutorials for basic functionality and the in-depth hard-core Linux hacking, and I've no idea how to get from the first to the second, but god dammit if I'm not going to try. Over break I'm going to gather up all my old computer books--the O'Reilly Linux book and teach-yourself PHP and JavaScript books--and bring them back for perusal.
And now I have to go take a German test. Woe.
I have, however, done a lot of thinking, mostly on what I want to do in the near-to-middle future.
I can't stop doing stuff to my hair. First I shaved half of it off, and for some reason looked like a boulderhead or troll of some sort. Last night I lopped off an inch of it, as it was mostly my fringe that was contributing to the troll look, and now it spikes liek whoa and is generally cool, and I look much less trollish because having my forehead fully exposed makes my face look less round and chubby than it actually is. Hooray for discovering that a simple straight razor with a guard is so much better for cutting short hair than actual scissors. And at some point tonight I will attempt to dye it black; over break I might put blue or reddish highlights in it, and generally have fun with it. I hate my hair, but wrestling it into some semblance of hawtness is fun in a time-consuming, vain sort of way.
At some point after break--or maybe I'll start tonight--I want to start really hitting the gym. I need the athletic credit, and it'll help me look like less of a scrawny bastard. I hate being a skinny little weakling, so it's time to do something about that.
Speaking of muscles and being a scrawny bastard, I want to start testosterone therapy. NOW DAMMIT. Even when I worked out daily last year I never put on much visible muscle... and I was doing warm-downs in voice lessons today and got to a low D, and my voice started to take on this brassy tenor quality, and I was so disappointed when we started warming back up and I had to go out of my lower register. I mean, I had great fun doing Point of No Return, but I want to be able to sing tenor so badly. Oh, and my chest. I like my chest--it's all smooth and pretty and androgynous--the only problem is these great gobs of useless FLESH hanging off it. Urgh. I would be so extremely happy if they just vanished overnight or something.
If I really lay it on thick with my shrink, I might be able to start testosterone in another three months based on the 'real life test' thing, as I've been going as a boy the past three months here at Simon's Rock. But I want to start now, and get chest surgery as soon as I bloody can. Bah. Lower surgery isn't really an option, as all the surgery methods are teh suck, but a couple nights ago I was packing liek whoa and I could almost feel it, feel what it's like to have the right hardware down there. Yeah, hardware is about the right description... I feel like OS X running on a really sweet top-of-the-line PC. Yeah, it's a nice body, but it's just wrong.
And yes. Computers. Have done a little more research into running a webserver, and have pretty much figured out that I'd have to get an entirely different machine for it. Which could be a great excuse to build my own computer, which is something I've wanted to do for a while, and I'd also be able to run Linux and play around with it without having to bash my head against the difficulties of doing my daily mundane computer stuff on an OS that's not really designed for mundane computer stuff. The problem at this point would be running it from the campus Internet service, which presents the dual challenges of getting a static IP for it and not getting kicked in the nuts by the bandwidth gods. Oh, and the whole one-connection-per-room thing and my complete and total lack of a place to store a server in my tiny room. But I'm getting heavy back into the computer geekery, d00d, and if I do end up doing it, I'm determined this time to actually, thoroughly learn Linux. There's this discrepancy between the tutorials for basic functionality and the in-depth hard-core Linux hacking, and I've no idea how to get from the first to the second, but god dammit if I'm not going to try. Over break I'm going to gather up all my old computer books--the O'Reilly Linux book and teach-yourself PHP and JavaScript books--and bring them back for perusal.
And now I have to go take a German test. Woe.