Ten Little Chances to be Free (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tenlittlebullets) wrote2004-05-27 08:42 pm
tenlittlebullets) wrote2004-05-27 08:42 pm
Of social lives and the Intarweb
Let me preface this with the disclaimer that I am at the moment all PMSy and weepy, so if I sound like I'm whining I probably am.
My brother has what would classically be called a 'social life.' Most of the time, he isn't even home because he's at some friend's house, and when he is home he's always on IM or bringing one of his friends along with him. From what I hear he's quite popular at school, especially with the girls, and I'm constantly fielding phone calls from his buddies when he's off at someone else's house and about ready to shoot his damn cell phone because it keeps ringing. My parents tolerate this cheerfully, and would never dream of grounding him--indeed, they commiserate with him when he rants about how evil his friends' parents are for grounding them for this or that.
What they don't seem to realize is that I have a social life as well. I haven't had anyone over to my house in the past three years except for two or three school projects, and haven't gone over to anyone else's house except when they drag me to parties. I don't hang out in front of the movie theater, I don't go skateboarding with the rest of some gang like my brother does; I am, so far as they can tell, a complete recluse who spends all her waking life on the computer.
The connection they seem to be missing is that my social life is the computer. With few exceptions, all my friends, all the people I chatter to and gossip with and keep up on the daily lives of, are people I've never met face-to-face. Many of them I've never even communicated with in realtime, just through LJ or message boards. But you guys are still my friends, and you're literally the only friends I have. I'm perfectly happy with this arrangement... until my parents get mad at me. Whenever they get mad at me, they threaten to disconnect my internet, often out of sheer spite--as in, whatever I'm doing "wrong" tends to be petty and have nothing to do with the computer whatsoever. I understand perfectly if they take it away because it distracts me from my homework, but it's not even that--tonight, for example, my dad said that every time he has to tell me to straighten up my place at the table he'll disconnect my internet for an hour.
It probably seems perfectly reasonable to them, of course. Make her listen to us. Threaten to take away the thing she appears to love the most. Teach her a goddamn lesson. But never, in all their screaming matches with my brother, have they threatened to ground him or separate him from his friends, who are basically his umbilical cord as much as the internet is mine. They say it's not right, it's not an appropriate punishment, bla bla. But they don't seem to realize that every time they pull the plug they are grounding me, because this is my social life and I find it well-nigh impossible to make friends IRL.
What annoys me is the total irrelevance of the things they'll disconnect me for. "No internet until your homework's done" is fine, it's the net-addict equivalent of "No, you can't go over to Charlie's until your homework's done." But I'll be arguing with my mom over something completely unrelated, like whether it's my turn to do the laundry, and all of a sudden she'll break in with "Well, do you like your internet, missy? Because if you do, you'd better get your ass upstairs and do your laundry." Gee, thanks mom. How nice of you to be rational.
They say the Internet is a privilege, not a right. Is having friends a privilege?
My brother has what would classically be called a 'social life.' Most of the time, he isn't even home because he's at some friend's house, and when he is home he's always on IM or bringing one of his friends along with him. From what I hear he's quite popular at school, especially with the girls, and I'm constantly fielding phone calls from his buddies when he's off at someone else's house and about ready to shoot his damn cell phone because it keeps ringing. My parents tolerate this cheerfully, and would never dream of grounding him--indeed, they commiserate with him when he rants about how evil his friends' parents are for grounding them for this or that.
What they don't seem to realize is that I have a social life as well. I haven't had anyone over to my house in the past three years except for two or three school projects, and haven't gone over to anyone else's house except when they drag me to parties. I don't hang out in front of the movie theater, I don't go skateboarding with the rest of some gang like my brother does; I am, so far as they can tell, a complete recluse who spends all her waking life on the computer.
The connection they seem to be missing is that my social life is the computer. With few exceptions, all my friends, all the people I chatter to and gossip with and keep up on the daily lives of, are people I've never met face-to-face. Many of them I've never even communicated with in realtime, just through LJ or message boards. But you guys are still my friends, and you're literally the only friends I have. I'm perfectly happy with this arrangement... until my parents get mad at me. Whenever they get mad at me, they threaten to disconnect my internet, often out of sheer spite--as in, whatever I'm doing "wrong" tends to be petty and have nothing to do with the computer whatsoever. I understand perfectly if they take it away because it distracts me from my homework, but it's not even that--tonight, for example, my dad said that every time he has to tell me to straighten up my place at the table he'll disconnect my internet for an hour.
It probably seems perfectly reasonable to them, of course. Make her listen to us. Threaten to take away the thing she appears to love the most. Teach her a goddamn lesson. But never, in all their screaming matches with my brother, have they threatened to ground him or separate him from his friends, who are basically his umbilical cord as much as the internet is mine. They say it's not right, it's not an appropriate punishment, bla bla. But they don't seem to realize that every time they pull the plug they are grounding me, because this is my social life and I find it well-nigh impossible to make friends IRL.
What annoys me is the total irrelevance of the things they'll disconnect me for. "No internet until your homework's done" is fine, it's the net-addict equivalent of "No, you can't go over to Charlie's until your homework's done." But I'll be arguing with my mom over something completely unrelated, like whether it's my turn to do the laundry, and all of a sudden she'll break in with "Well, do you like your internet, missy? Because if you do, you'd better get your ass upstairs and do your laundry." Gee, thanks mom. How nice of you to be rational.
They say the Internet is a privilege, not a right. Is having friends a privilege?
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Well, it's not so much a privilege, it's more the matter of showing stuff off.
Parents *always* like when their kid is the popular one - it means he or she has fit into what's socially acceptable, and therefore of the good. Its one of the middle layers of the hierarchy of needs (that and validation), so parents are comforted when they feel their children are 'safe'.
However, you'd fit into a *higher* level of the hierarchy, and that's just because you're more actualized than most. It's also hard for parents to show off their 'smart' kid because it's a matter of intelligence, and not so much "OH LOOK MY KID HAS SHINY STUFF!!!".
On a personal note, it's cool to get to chat with you, and I can't tell you how impressed I was when Tracy called me to tell me you smacked her ass :-DDD You're definitely cool by my book.
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As to your parents... *sigh* I dunno, parents can be dense about this sort of thing. My mom is always lecturing me about how I'm becoming a computer addict and what not, and how I don't spend enough time with my family.
I guess in order for them to realize you do have a social life, they need to see living, breathing proof in front of them. Maybe if we all took a trip down to DC...? Hehe.
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Okay, in my school [or what was my school] I wasn't popular, but I wasn't a total outcast. I had 2 friends, total, that I would tell anything to. Everyone else just kind of got the cold shoulder because they never took the time to get to know me. My true saviour was discovering my life on the internet.
Where people actually acted like they wanted to be around me. They talked to me, they got to know me, and they acted like they CARED about me. It was seriously, for a while, the only thing keeping me going was knowing that somewhere out there, I have true friends who care about me.
My mom actually went so far once to tell me that none of my online friends existed. [I totally felt like punching my mom in the nose for that one.] But I've seen pictures--I have proof. I have talked to you guys online and on the phone.
It got really bad this year, when my sole friend left in the high school got a boyfriend and has summarily ignored me since last September. I had NOTHING. I had a bunch of people who THINK they know the real me, but they know jack crap. The only thing I did have was the great friends that I have online. Some of them made a point to talk to me every night just to remind me that someone out there cared. It meant a lot to me.
And everytime I had a major problem, or a breakdown, or a letdown, and I came onto LiveJournal to cry/bitch/whine/moan, I knew that the vast majority of the people on my LJ list would understand what I was going through, offer support or advice, or just leave a comment with one single action that made me feel better: a hug. That's something that I don't get every day from the people that I need it from.
Wah, now I feel like crying from nostalgia.
::hugs EACH AND EVERY ONE of her online friends::
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I have friends IRL, but most of them live 45+ minutes away. That makes it impossible to hang out on a regular basis. Of course, I do things with Tony and our friends, but he works and sometimes he's too busy to do stuff.
I'm not on the Internet as often as I used to be, and I think my parents have lightened up for the present because it's almost summer and I'm out walking every day. But still. I totally know what you mean.
It's a never-ending cycle. My mom will be fine and dandy about the Internet for a few weeks, then BAM! It's evil. I'm addicted to it. When I say I'm not addicted, Mom says, "Addicts don't recognize their own addiction." I never "get out" and talk with "real" people. People on the Internet are all 40 year old perverts who want to get in my pants. And then she'll unplug the modem, and if she's really pissy she'll unplug the keyboard, too.
What's funny is that every time they've unplugged the modem, I have not once begged for it back. And that's because I'm not addicted, contrary to what they think. My mom has even given the modem back to me in the middle of my week of grounding because I didn't bug her once about it.
I find it very amusing that she'll defend my sister's Internet time like a rabid dog, even though my sister has an *incredibly* excessive social life. The goddamn phone rings every five minutes at my house, friends are constantly spending the night or coming over to play, and all she does on the Internet is IM the friends she saw two hours ago at school. She doesn't give a rat's ass about homework, and so her grades aren't as good as they should be. I'm worried about her. She's going to a public high school next year, which only means more friends and more social time. >_< And I guarantee I'm going to be the one helping her through all her homework.